Coming into this whole process, I thought the physical medical aspect would be the most stressful part. Ironically, it’s actually been dealing with the insurance and healthcare system that has caused me the most stress. Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have friends willing to drop everything and help.
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Monday, I officially move into Phase 2 of my treatment: radiation.
Physically, I feel great. Emotionally, I am incredibly grateful that I had the opportunity to take two trips to see family and friends before stepping into this next phase. I feel rejuvenated and in great spirits.
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So, the last few weeks have been a combination of two extremes: incredible frustration with the slowness and inefficiency of the healthcare system specifically Kaiser Permanente, and moments of feeling deeply inspired to take matters into my own hands.
I've never been someone who sits around waiting. That doesn't mean I don't feel everything emotionally. I absolutely do. I let myself experience it first. Then I ask myself, "What's the game plan? What can I actually control?"
The biggest lesson I've learned through all of this is that while I can't always rely on the system, or even other people, I can always rely on myself. Sometimes, to quote Zorg from The Fifth Element “If you want something done, just do it yourself.”
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The waiting game is excruciating.
For the last several weeks, I’ve felt like I was a contestant on some bizarre game show, waiting for strangers to decide my fate. Is it Grade 2 or Grade 3? A simple number, but one that carries enormous implications.
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The staples are out. I can wash my hair again.
It’s funny how the simplest joys can feel like the biggest victories.
The wild part? Even though it felt like a month had passed, this surgery was only two weeks ago. Two weeks. And yet, what an emotional whirlwind these past 14 days have been—not just for me, but for the incredible community around me.
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Like any major life event, there’s always a transition period where everyone is trying to find homeostasis again. I’ve definitely been feeling that over the last few days.
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Despite the actual physical discomforts of surgery, the hardest part about this whole recovery process has actually been relearning how to re- pace myself. I usually move at the speed of light. I’m always in constant need of mental and physical stimulation. My brain and body are so bored. I’ve been trying to keep myself stimulated through writing. Writing these blogs helps me process and feel some semblance of connection to everything ad everyone around me.
Currently, my biggest fear is being left behind while I rest. I have worked way too hard to get to where I left off last. To think I’m now being set back again after finally crawling out of the hell hole of getting situated in LA after moving from my beloved Austin, is daunting. I had such an awful experience my first 2 years getting situated in LA and it’s only within the last year and a half that I’ve finally felt more settled and I really don’t want to lose all that.
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I’m on at least 7 different meds, which is really wild from someone who avoids meds and am usually on vitamins at best. Though the pain is luckily minimal, mentally I feel puffy, swollen, and not like a rockstar. My feed of Britney Spears videos is not helping much. I feel like I’m nowhere 1 close to that yet… but again, hearing from people every day has been so helpful for the soul. I’m consistently surprised by everyone checking in. I really appreciate it so much - not feeling alone.
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Leading up to surgery, though scary, was also super bittersweet. What made it bearable was the positive support from my friend and family,I highly recommend a full on surgery party (catered by Matt Syrett and the Wade family). Thank you to my bro for being the best mediator, for helping me reconcile with my parents, and for bringing my two very important worlds together so that my family can understand the life I have been building. That is is full of love and joy and that I have been working really hard to build my career, even if it may not feel that way most of the time, given the economic strain and that is LA and the industry. Getting to slam a pinata (Thank you Autum and Elizabeth) with a stick and say fuck Tumi (the name of tumor) was so satisfying. ANd then having a group of your friends take a photo and flick off Tumi as a unit was so nice. No gloom, only joy was the reminder I needed going into the surgery. I especially loved that my co-creator and best friends Mai, and Elizabeth were able to finish shooting Season 1 of our mini series “Friends in FIlm.” THat as so satisfying. I cannot wait to have that released to show everyone what we have been doing. Being able to chat for almot 4 hours with my Erzulie co-producer, Payten Brewer was also amazing, understanding what she had to go through in her own cancer recovery journey from Lymphoma.
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It is hard to believe that tomorrow I will be having what I hope to be the only major surgery of my life. Some of you already know, but others are just now finding out that on Tuesday, May 19th, 2026 I will be getting a brain tumor removed.
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