It’s been a whirlwind since finishing Cycle 1 of chemotherapy.

Between two blood tests, prepping for our Tumi and Me proof-of-concept film, staffing, having people pull out, and then scrambling to restaff, it feels like I’ve barely had a moment to breathe.

But the good news is that we finally have a full team, and the contracts have officially gone out! One less thing to worry about.

This week, however, has been a particularly difficult one.

For starters, I’m pretty sure I’m hormonal. Add that to preparing for Cycle 2 of chemotherapy, and then sprinkle in the joyous news that my roommates have finally found their forever home.

Except I won’t be coming with them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m genuinely happy for them. Finding a home is a huge milestone, and they deserve it.

But selfishly, I just want something in my life to feel certain for once.

It seems like every time I start to find my footing, life decides to shake the ground beneath me again. And now, once again, my future feels completely up in the air.

Funny how life works.

Of course, I also recognize that when I’m hormonal, everything gets amplified tenfold. Every minor inconvenience suddenly feels like a life-altering catastrophe.

Thank you, PMS. Your timing is impeccable.

Some Pretty Incredible Silver Linings

Despite the emotional roller coaster, there have been some genuinely exciting developments.

For one, I somehow managed to get legendary gaffer Jim (aka James) Plannette to work on Tumi and Me.

Yes. THAT Jim Plannette.

The man who helped light some of the most iconic movies of my childhood, from She’s All That and Free Willy to E.T. and Braveheart.

I honestly couldn’t believe he said yes.

Even crazier? He seems genuinely excited about the project. He read my script and liked it.

I mean, WHAT?!

There are moments in filmmaking when you have to stop and appreciate just how surreal this industry can be. One minute, you’re a kid watching these movies in awe. Decades later, you’re preparing to work alongside someone who helped bring those very images to life.

It’s pretty wild.

And in other exciting news, my hair seems to be growing back!

I’m seeing little signs of life sprouting from my head.

It’s a small thing, but after everything my body has been through these past several months, I’ll happily take it.

Learning to Live With the Unknown

The strange thing about this chapter of my life is that there are so many wonderful things happening alongside so many terrifying unknowns.

I’m making a film I’m incredibly passionate about. I’m getting to collaborate with people I’ve admired for years. My body is slowly showing signs of recovery.

And yet, I don’t know where I’ll be living in the near future. I don’t know exactly what the next round of chemotherapy will bring. And I certainly don’t know what life is going to throw at me next.

That uncertainty can be incredibly scary.

But I’ve also learned that sometimes the best way to deal with things you can’t control is to stop thinking about them for a little while.

Not everything needs to be solved today.

So this past weekend, I headed to Catalina Island for a little reset with my friend, Jon.

Stepping away from the endless to-do lists, the logistics, the medical appointments, and the constant mental gymnastics of trying to plan a future that refuses to stay put, was much needed.

And though, the magical fairies responsible for fixing life’s problems have not shown up yet to wave their tiny wands, and sort everything out. I feel way more ready now to solve these issues on my own and manifest something even greater than I could have imagined.