So, the last few weeks have been a combination of two extremes: incredible frustration with the slowness and inefficiency of the healthcare system specifically Kaiser Permanente, and moments of feeling deeply inspired to take matters into my own hands.

I've never been someone who sits around waiting. That doesn't mean I don't feel everything emotionally. I absolutely do. I let myself experience it first. Then I ask myself, "What's the game plan? What can I actually control?"

The biggest lesson I've learned through all of this is that while I can't always rely on the system, or even other people, I can always rely on myself. Sometimes, to quote Zorg from the The Fifth Element “If you want something done, do it yourself.”

Did you know that two doctors working within the same practice often don't communicate with each other? It's wild.

Originally, my doctor was within the Kaiser network, but because their vacation schedule conflicted with my treatment timeline, I had to be referred to a colleague who is outside the Kaiser network, but work in the same practice. That one seemingly small change has made everything exponentially harder: scheduling appointments, coordinating labs, getting records transferred, and simply finding information.

Luckily, scheduling is kind of my superpower. I just didn't expect I'd have to 1st AD my own medical journey.

Another frustrating part is how appointments are scheduled. They often call at the last minute and simply expect you'll take whatever is available. There's rarely any advance notice anymore. You're just expected to be available 24/7. Honestly, it feels a little like a toxic relationship.

I have to keep my phone nearby at all times waiting for random calls—which is ironic because I usually avoid phone calls whenever possible—and anyone who knows me knows I schedule my life pretty efficiently because, to me, time is money.

Going through this process has also made one thing very clear: working consistently in the film industry while navigating cancer treatment is going to be incredibly difficult. The unpredictability alone makes it nearly impossible to commit to productions.

So instead of focusing on what I can't do, I've decided to focus on what I can.

I'm not about to sit around collecting disability checks. That would feel deeply unfulfilling for me. I know that path may be necessary for some people, and I'm grateful it exists, but I am purpose-driven. My purpose has always been making movies and telling stories.

So the question became: What can I build during this season?

Right now, the answer seems to be:

Figure out funding for making the proof of concept short, TUMI & ME. The current system isn't exactly designed to make life easy for independent filmmakers, so I'm going to see if I can figure it out myself. I’ve done it several times. I guess it’s time to do it again. I'm not afraid of the work. If you're interested in following that journey as I navigate finding funding for my next project, please CLICK HERE and subscribe. I'll be sharing the process as I go.

Figure out international distribution for Erzulie. Once again, the current system isn't exactly designed to make life easy for independent filmmakers, so I'm going to see if I can figure it out myself. I'm not afraid of the work. If you're interested in following that journey—every success, mistake, and lesson learned—please CLICK HERE and subscribe. I'll be sharing the entire process as I go.

Build Get Reelisms into a sustainable business.

The next big goals are:

Getting the book onto required and recommended reading lists at schools. If you have connections to educators or academic programs and think you can help, I'd love to hear from you. Just message me and tell me!
Getting the book into more major bookstores. At this point, people simply need to know it exists. So if you happen to stop by your local bookstore, one of the biggest ways you can help is simply asking whether they carry Get Reelisms. If enough people ask, bookstores may decide to look us up through Ingram and order sample copies—even without a traditional distributor advocating for us.

If you'd like to follow that journey as well, please SIGN UP HERE.

It's funny...I'm basically learning indie film distribution and indie book distribution at the exact same time.

Oddly enough, they have far more in common than I ever expected.

So yes, the way I keep myself from losing my mind—besides having an incredible support system (that's all of you)—is by focusing on the things I can actually control. I finally have the time to tackle problems I've wanted to solve for years. Thankfully, I'm pretty good at research, pretty persistent, and I happen to now have a lot more time in front of a computer since I am not able to work on set :(

Maybe this unexpected chapter isn't just about healing.

Maybe it's also about building.

Thanks for listening.

If you'd like to follow along on the journey or have any specific topics or questions, you can actually message me back directly. I check everything and now have lots of time to respond.

Focus on what you can control | Falling Forward Part 8