Falling Forward | Feel like Gollum but Pushing to Film
Week 3 of 6: Complete. Halfway There. 💙
Week 3 is officially done, which means I’m halfway through radiation.
Overall, I’m still feeling surprisingly good. The headaches have started to make more regular appearances, but my energy has remained high, and for that I’m incredibly grateful.
The hardest part of this week hasn’t been the treatments themselves. It’s been watching my hair slowly thin.
I’ve cried more than once over it. I wish I could say it doesn’t matter, but it does. Hair has always been a part of how I see myself, and watching it disappear has been much harder emotionally than I expected. Some days I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself. I joke that I’m turning into Gollum from The Lord of the Rings, but underneath the humor is the reality that it’s simply hard.
How I think I look.
At the same time, I keep reminding myself that this is temporary.
I still have my strength. I still have my creativity. I still get to wake up every day with purpose. There is so much to be thankful for.
This Sunday, we’re filming two scenes from the proof of concept for Tumi & Me, and I honestly cannot wait. Just thinking through the shots, the visual language, and the emotional tone has filled me with joy. Storytelling has become one of the greatest gifts in my healing process. It reminds me that even in the middle of something difficult, I still get to create.
If you'd like to help us bring the film to life, we are still fundraising. Our crowdfunding campaign has been submitted for review and should be launching soon. Since crowdfunding platforms take a percentage of every donation, if you'd rather contribute directly through Zelle or Venmo, just send me a message. Every dollar goes directly toward making this film, and our cast and crew are incredibly grateful for your support.
I also watched 50/50 this week for the first time as inspiration. (Yes... I cried.)
One thing I continue to feel incredibly fortunate about is that I’ve experienced very little physical pain. Because my tumor is in the brain, there are surprisingly fewer pain receptors involved than many other parts of the body, so discomfort has been minimal. I’ve also learned a phrase that many neuro-oncologists use: "What is in the head stays in the head." Brain tumors like mine rarely spread throughout the rest of the body, and my recent PET scan confirmed that everything else looks healthy. Those are blessings I never take for granted.
So... halfway there.
Now if I can get past this hair-thinning phase mentally, I think I'll be okay.
Everyone has warned me that Weeks 4 and 5 are when the cumulative effects of radiation really begin to show, especially the fatigue. I don't know exactly what that will look like yet, but I'm preparing myself to slow down. For someone who has always measured life by how much I can accomplish in a day, that's a challenge. Thankfully, I've been finding comfort in rewatching Ted Lasso, catching up on movies, and reminding myself that rest is also part of healing.
This weekend feels like exactly what I need. A hike with Jon, followed by a weekend spent with friends making a film that means the world to me.
Fresh air. Good people. Creativity.
That sounds like a pretty wonderful way to spend a weekend.
Most of all, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you to everyone who has checked in, sent encouraging messages, donated to the film, contributed to my GoFundMe, helped with everyday expenses, or simply reminded me that I'm not walking through this alone. Your generosity has given me something priceless: the ability to focus on healing without constantly worrying about how I'll get through the next hurdle.
Every act of kindness has mattered more than you know.
Dropping off the ABCs of Filmmaking at Annabelle’s Book Club in Studio City
Thank you to our current film supporters (you'll all be credited in Tumi & Me):
Lydia Isnanto
Travis Bible
Helene Cardona
Claudia Healey
Caitlin Wyatt
Scott Loraditch
Diana & Darrell Mitchell
And thank you to everyone donating your time, equipment, talent, locations, and sweat equity. Independent filmmaking has always been a community effort, but this project feels especially meaningful because it has been built entirely on love.
WINS THIS WEEK:
Prepped for my proof of concept short Tumi & Me to shoot on Aug 2
Dropped off a reorder of books at FilmTools!
Didn’t feel any energy drops
BIG WIN: Get Reelisms ABCs of Filmmaking is now featured at the Annabelle’s Book Club in Studio City (after a successful LA Indie Book Crawl with Zucena). Go and ask for it! In fact, if you’re at a local bookstore, please just ask for our books because it’ll flag that they need to consider carrying them in the store. We are on Ingram, available to order via wholesale for major bookstores
Our book in FilmTools
From the bottom of my heart—thank you for helping me heal, continue creating, and move forward one week at a time.
Here's to the second half. ❤️Wish me luck this weekend as I get back on set. Do I even know how to direct anymore? We’ll see! Thank you to these super stars for donating their time.
Mailyne Briggs (Co-Producer)
Zucena Magsino (AD)
Daniela Mileykovsky (DP)
Ethan Daniel (G&E / AC)
Fang Jiang Li (Sound)
Aaron Tyler (BTS Photographer)
Jenny Zhu (Cast)
Evan Adams (Cast)
Kenny Leu (Cast)