Falling Forward | A Wig To Remind Me of Me
Yesterday was a huge relief.
I went wig shopping at a place called Tallie Wigs, which my friend Elizabeth found on Instagram and recommended to me. I’d actually had an appointment with a different wig company yesterday, but it ended up being virtual because the consultant got COVID.
In hindsight, I’m kind of glad it worked out that way, because it was such a wonderful experience.
When I first arrived, I was completely lost because Tallie Wigs had just expanded into a bigger location right next door. I called the number and the owner herself, Tallie, picked up. She came and found me, brought me over to the right place, and immediately made me feel at home.
We started chatting, and I told her about my cancer treatment and what had been happening with my hair. She was incredibly kind and warm about everything. She immediately started pulling wigs that were almost exactly the same color as my natural hair.
The first wig I tried on and decided upon.
The first wig she put on me was basically THE ONE.
I tried a second one just to make sure, but we both knew. We went right back to the first.
And when I looked in the mirror, I felt this immediate rush of relief.
All the bald spots I’ve been trying so hard not to look at were suddenly covered. I looked like myself again.
Maybe that sounds silly to some people. And to all the guys who have dealt with losing their hair… I genuinely don’t know how you do it.
But somehow, hair loss has been the most traumatic part of this entire process for me so far.
Crazy, right? More than brain surgery.
But with surgery, I was asleep. I knew they had to shave parts of my head. Afterward, my head was usually covered with a surgical cap anyway to keep everything clean while the incision healed.
Watching your hair actually fall out is different.
Especially as a single woman, it has affected me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. We live in a society where women are so often judged by how we look, and suddenly losing something that has always been part of how you recognize yourself can feel like losing a little piece of your identity.
I could literally feel my confidence returning just by putting on a wig that looked like my real hair.
And yes, I know this is temporary.
But how temporary? We don’t really know yet. I haven’t even started chemo.
For now, though, I’m choosing to focus on what IS going well.
My energy levels are still surprisingly decent. I definitely go to bed earlier now, but “earlier” basically means I’ve finally adopted the sleep schedule of a normal human being. 😂
Before treatment, I’d go to bed around midnight and wake up at 7 AM.
Now I go to bed around 11 PM and somehow wake up automatically around 6:30 AM.
So… honestly? Not that different.
And creatively, I’m feeling really good.
I’m still smiling from our successful Sunday filming two scenes from Tumi & Me. I’m starting to see stills from the footage, and they look AMAZING. The behind-the-scenes photos have also become this constant little reminder that even while all of this is happening, I am still creating.
I am still moving forward.
I even went back to dance class with my dear friend Elizabeth. I got to support my BFF Mai at the LA Shorts Fest premiere of her short film, Charlene. And people continue to donate to Tumi & Me so we can finish the proof of concept.
Things are looking up.
Well… except when it comes to navigating government benefits. 😂
I was denied Disability because I’m self-employed, even though I also work as a contractor on film sets. Then I was denied unemployment because I have a health condition and apparently should be receiving Disability.
WHAT THE HECK.
So according to one system I should get Disability, and according to the other system I apparently can’t.
Can’t win.
But besides dealing with that bureaucratic BS, I actually feel like things are progressing.
I’m continuing to dedicate my time to Get Reelisms, writing, fundraising for Tumi & Me, and figuring out ways I can continue working and sharing what I know while my ability to physically work on set is limited.
One thing I’m considering is hosting small virtual group classes on specific filmmaking topics. They would be affordable, interactive sessions where we could actually talk, ask questions, and dig into the stuff you don’t always learn in film school.
A few ideas I’m considering:
How to Set Yourself Up to Become a DGA Assistant Director
How to Make Your First Short Film — I also have a virtual Create Your Own Content course on this!
How to Raise Money for Your First Feature Through Private Investors
Premiere Pro for Filmmakers: How to Edit Your Own Content
What would YOU actually want to learn?
Drop me a line and tell me. If there’s enough interest in a particular topic, I’ll put together a virtual session.
I’m also available for project consultations and editing work. I may not be able to jump onto someone else’s film set while I’m working around my radiation schedule, but there is still a lot I CAN do.
And I think that has become one of the biggest lessons of this entire experience.
Cancer has forced me to change how I work.
It hasn’t stopped me from working.
It has forced me to change how I create.
It hasn’t stopped me from creating.
And apparently, it has forced me to change my hair for a while.
But for the first time in a week, I looked in the mirror and really felt like myself again. My bff, Mai is going to cut my hair off today. Let’s see how that goes… but for the most part…
Things felt pretty good. 💙