The waiting game is excruciating.

For the last several weeks, I’ve felt like I was a contestant on some bizarre game show, waiting for strangers to decide my fate. Is it Grade 2 or Grade 3? A simple number, but one that carries enormous implications.

A few days ago, I finally got my answer.

Officially, the tumor is a Grade 3 oligodendroglioma.

Until then, I was holding onto a small glimmer of hope that it might be Grade 2. The difference matters because Grade 2 tumors grow more slowly and would have potentially allowed me to take a medication that could delay tumor growth for several years, buying time before radiation and chemotherapy became necessary.

Even though my surgeons successfully removed about 90% of the tumor, there is still about 10% hanging out in my brain. The question wasn't whether I'd need more treatment eventually—it was when.

Unfortunately, yesterday I learned that because it's Grade 3, I now move into Phase 2 of this journey:

Radiation and chemotherapy.

Neither of those are words anyone wants to hear. And neither are things I expected to be planning my summer around. The number of appointments, referrals, scans, consultations, and phone calls from Kaiser has been overwhelming. Cancer treatment doesn't leave much room for flexibility. Your calendar essentially becomes their calendar.

And unfortunately, that reality doesn't fit very well with film life.

Film sets aren't really designed for normal life, let alone for people navigating serious health issues. When you're on set, you're there. Twelve-hour days are standard. Sometimes longer. You can't exactly say, "Hey, I need to disappear for an hour to get radiation treatment. See you in a bit."

The film industry runs on constant adaptation. Schedules change daily. Scenes get moved. Days go long. Locations fall through. Everyone pivots on the fly.

Medicine is the exact opposite.

Healthcare says, "Can you be available on this date and time?"

And it's almost a rhetorical question because if you can't make that appointment, the next opening might be weeks—or even a month—away. It's been frustrating, to say the least.

But the reason I'm not completely losing my mind is because I have an incredible support network around me. I have family. I have friends. I have people checking in, helping out, sending encouragement, donating, and reminding me that I don't have to do this alone.

I can still write. I can still create. I am still here. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

So now it's time to tackle the next chapter the same way I've tackled every other challenge that's come my way: one step at a time.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, donated, sent a message, shared a meal, offered a ride, or simply kept me in your thoughts. This journey would be infinitely harder without all of you.

Cancer sucks.

But it would suck a whole lot more without a circle of loving friends and family standing beside you. For that, I feel incredibly lucky.

Radiation starts July 13. Then chemo.

Until then, I'm going to keep doing as much as I can within the limits of this healing journey, because this experience has reinforced something I already knew but sometimes forget:

Life is short.

Create the thing.
Take the trip.
Call the person.
Tell people you love them.

Hanging at Cinegear with Puppy Love Productions

None of us know how much time we have, so we might as well make the most of the time we do. These are what I have been able to do since our last check up:

Go to Cinegear and associated events
Hang out with friends
Go to the beach
Go to the mandatory DGA annual meeting
Watch movies

Wish me luck. If you’d like to support me, here are some ways:

Donate to my GoFundMe to help with yet more time when I will be unable to work or cleared to drive
Watch my film, ERZULIE. Amazon, Apple, even Tubi.
If you know of any managers/agents in LA looking for directors to represent, please suggest me to them, etc.
If you would like to hire me for a film project, I can currently edit and breakdown scripts for scheduling/budgeting. I can even virtually mentor you.
Take my virtual course at getreelisms.com
Say hi and chat.

I appreciate any and all support. <3 y’all!

The Waiting Game | Falling Forward Part 7