Like any major life event, there’s always a transition period where everyone is trying to find homeostasis again. I’ve definitely been feeling that over the last few days.

For most of my adult life, I’ve been extremely independent, so relearning how to truly relax and let other people help me has been far harder than I ever anticipated. It also doesn’t help that I’m currently on a cocktail of medications that somehow make me feel like I have the energy and power to do absolutely everything. Steroids are wild. I genuinely do not understand how people enjoy being on them.

What has been really beautiful throughout this process, though, has been reconnecting with my parents and having deeper conversations with both family and friends. I think we’re all usually moving so fast that conversations only skim the surface. Add in old wounds, emotional trauma, and years of protective walls, and truly opening up can feel nearly impossible. But situations like this force honesty and vulnerability, whether anyone feels ready for it or not, because suddenly you have no choice but to coexist in a more present and intentional way.

Play dough model of my brain (made by my bro) - claymation concept art for Tumi

In a strange way, I’m learning how to be my parents’ daughter again, while they’re probably dealing with what feels like an angsty emo 90s teenager frustrated by how painfully slow healing can be.

One thing I can confidently say: if you’re ever going through a major health crisis, please, for the love of God, turn off ChatGPT and make your friends and family promise to stay away from it too. As humans, we naturally want certainty. We want answers. We want control. The illusion of “knowing” can feel comforting. I completely understand that instinct. But hearing things like “you may only have five years to live” is not information I need floating around my orbit right now. Once those thoughts are introduced, it’s hard not to feel like the Grim Reaper is suddenly following you everywhere, and honestly, it’s stressful as hell.

As someone with a lot of goals, ambitions, and dreams, I’m still figuring out how I feel about all of this. Maybe it’s lighting an even bigger fire under me, but I’ve always been someone who naturally leans toward carpe diem. I really didn’t need more motivation in that department, especially when I’ve been actively trying to step into my “relaxed woman era,” which I have historically been very, very bad at.

More than anything, though, I feel incredibly grateful. Grateful for friends who patiently sit beside me while I sort through mountains of mind-numbingly boring insurance paperwork and medical financial assistance forms (seriously, they do not make this process easy). Grateful for everyone who continues to check in, stop by, and say hi even after the initial shock and novelty of everything has worn off and real life has pulled everyone back into their own responsibilities and goals.

Every little thing matters more than I can properly explain. This entire experience has been such a powerful reflection of the community I’ve built in Los Angeles over the last four years. So often LA can feel lonely and fragmented, like your value is tied only to the last project you delivered or how productive you’ve been lately. So it’s been really meaningful to realize there are people here who love me beyond what I can produce.

I truly hope I can continue to have a positive impact on your lives too.

As I mentioned before, a lot of my work and interaction will be moving more virtually for now (partly for health reasons as well), so if you’d like to support me, definitely check out my online courses at GetReelisms.com. And honestly, let me know how I can help support you too — whether that’s your goals, projects, or creative endeavors.

Hugs. Love you all. Thank you for being here. I have so many fun crafts and enough friendship bracelets for a Taylor Swift concert. It warms my heart so much. Anyone want to help me find funding for my hybrid narrative / documentary “Tumi and Me” about this whole thing? I’m almost done writing it all!

Falling Forward Part 5 | Water with a Side of Pills