It is hard to believe that tomorrow I will be having what I hope to be the only major surgery of my life. Some of you already know, but others are just now finding out that on Tuesday, May 19th, 2026 I will be getting a brain tumor removed.

Everything has been happening so fast and time seems to be ticking away, so I feel like there is never enough time to process everything. For that, I am oddly grateful because during the moments of silence, is when the fear creeps in. What if I don’t wake up? What if this is it?

But during this whole process, what I have been most thankful for is the amount of support (sometimes overwhelming) I have received from my friends and family. I have never once felt alone. I go to sleep thinking about how lucky I am that people have offered to fly in to help or visit me during and after the surgery, how my parents had to cut their vacation short to fly in for my surgery, and how my brother refused to let me wait to start this entire process.

I started having what I now know to be “focal seizures” last summer. The first one happened at a book festival that I was working and filming at. It was during a heat wave, and I remember my body freezing for a brief few seconds, but just enough for me to drop my camera and whatever film equipment I had with me. I DO NOT drop film equipment. At that moment, I knew something was wrong but just hoped that it was dehydration and I never thought much about it afterwards. Sadly, these episodes started to consistently happen and I could no longer live in denial.

When the seizure happened during a networking event while I was with my friend/colleague Cynthia Wade, she pushed me to get it checked out. Of course, being in denial I waited a good 2 weeks before I finally mustered up the courage to do so. I made my best friend, Mailyne sit with me so that I would not avoid setting up this appointment. Since that appointment, everything seems to have been happening at lightning speed. I went from one doctor’s appointment to my first neurology appointment on April 21st, the day when my amazing boo, Jon, took me on my pre-birthday trip to look at Lyrid meteorshowers at Red Rock Canyon State Park.

I remember wondering if I should tell Jon because we had only been dating for a few months and I wasn’t sure if he would want that kind of information when I myself didn't even know what was going on. But, the emotional overwhelm was too much and I just told him. I was scared. The neurologist told me I needed MRIs to determine and rule out what could be wrong with me. I remember getting a call to schedule my MRI appointment, which happened on May 1.

MRIs are scary. You are in this tube and the noise is so loud and the machines are whirling around. I remember crying in the tube for a brief moment. The entire time I’m in the tube, I kept thinking… this is incredible script material! Needless to say, I never imagined that the same day, I would be getting a “text message” to check my results, which in doctor speak said “you have a large ass tumor.” Of course, given the f-ed up state of our health system, my actual doctor didn’t call me until Monday. But I am blessed to have a surgeon for a brother who escalated my results to his friends who activated the doctor/surgeon tree, so by the time Monday rolled around, I already knew which neurosurgeon I needed to get my information to and I knew I would probably need to get a biopsy.

The crazy thing is, when my doctor did call me, she referred me to get my first consultation with a “neurosurgeon” (which was actually another neurologist, according to my parent’s research) until the end of May 28th. That was the earliest they could get me in. But by some divine power, my surgeon, Dr. Rudi called me himself to let me know that he had an unexpected opening in his schedule. He said “I don’t know how we are connected, but my friend texted me and you’re a friend of a friend and I know you’re on my priority list. Do you want this slot?” The slot he was referring to is my May 19th surgery date. I was shocked. What happened to the “biopsy”? According to Dr. Rudi because of how big my tumor is and that it crosses into both hemispheres, I would definitely need to just go into surgery and do a 2 in one. The surgery would take out as much of the tumor as possible and this would also serve as the biopsy.

All I can say is, WTF? Part of me wishes I could float away into blissful ignorance. I wish I could wait until the end of the month or next month for all of this to happen, but fate has it that I am supposed to have this surgery tomorrow.

It has been insanely overwhelming, but one thing that keeps me grounded is all of the support of my friends and family. Immediately, my friends started a gofundme campaign and in a matter of a few days, we raised most of the funding I’d need to survive for the next few months, not being able to work. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this support. At times, the number of phone calls coming in throughout the day was a lot, but I know with certainty that I am not alone. I am so grateful for that. From the amazing get-togethers my friends have put together for everyone to come visit me, to the text chains, to coming out of their way to get me (since I cannot drive) I am ever so grateful.

I am scared. I am not a religious person, maybe a spiritual one at best. How do I feel? I oscillate between being fine to crying in the shower, to freaking out, to everything in between. But one thing is consistent, I am just incredibly grateful to have all of you.

I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. I just know that I have way too much left to do so I have no choice but to make sure I wake up. But in case I do not, I just want to thank everyone for your love and support and to remember me as a storyteller. I hope that I have left a lasting impression on this world, but hope I can continue to do so for much longer.. I love you all. PLEASE send me all of the good vibes. Until then, make sure to follow what is going on here: http://Tinyurl.com/supportchristinechen because after tonight, I will not be answering my phone until who knows when. Hope to see you all soon.

Falling Forward