I am really frustrated with you right now, but I'm not giving up. Nice try.
Creativity ebbs and flows. Sometimes there is not enough time in a day to capture it all or sometimes you just waste an entire day frustratingly staring at the computer. Unfortunately, today is one of those dry days.
I think the hardest thing about being a creative is knowing and accepting that these kinds of days are going to happen and to not beat yourself up about it. It is knowing that not every day is going to be filled with big wins and that some days you will feel like a useless blob. I cried today because I woke up feeling exhausted – mentally and emotionally.
I am so tired of working so hard and not seeing the immediate gratification of that hard work. I am so exhausted looking for funding for the next big idea or chasing the next job opportunity or worrying that I’ll never work again. I know this is just a phase and every time I somehow rise above it all, but man… sometimes I just wish it would get easier.
I know so many of you creatives out there feel the same way. The struggle is real. A friend of mine messaged me today asking about advice on raising money and I was flattered that he thought I had it all figured out and thus wanted to ask me for advice. I do not have it all figured out. In fact, today I just want to yell at the top of my lungs and ask the universe, “When the F is it going to be my turn? When is this big break?”
I work really hard on every opportunity that I get and manifesting these opportunities. Yet despite it all, I fail a lot. I fail so much. It is almost rare when I do not go through an entire day not getting rejected by something – a film festival, a potential project, other people. Yes, I am aware that I am blessed to be able to do what I love to do full-time, but it is not easy. I just want the world to know that beneath these carefully manicured images of success, there is someone who is human and who struggles all the time.
Luckily, during these times, what keeps me going is knowing that I chose this crazy dream of mine and I will out work everyone to get there. Once I finish wallowing in my own self-pity, I am going to pick myself back up again and keep going because I want it that badly. I believe in myself, my work, and my passion. I just want the world to know.